Stereotypes

I hate them! And it annoys mr that people still use them. Let me give you a little background info. My church is going through changes again and it just really can't handle it. Basically they want to move the church north because the demographics are changing and they claim they don't have the people to support the changes that need to happen. Basically, we are white and don't speak Spanish! Last time I checked, not all Hispanics speak Spanish! So I made an argument about how we need to go out and find out what the neighborhood would like to see happen and actually go out and do something for the community. And I keep getting the same response, we are not racial profiling but religiously profiling. Finding out what is realistic for the church and the people it can serve. It just makes me mad that some people are so narrow minded and are not open to find ways to make situations work. And maybe since I have had so many obstacles and situations I had to deal with I am open to adapting. Anyways, this has just been a slight fustration of mine lately and I just needed to vent.

Life...

You know that saying, "Life goes on."? Well I truely believe in it. After my dad passed away, I went on with my life. That's not to say that I don't think about him daily or find things difficult (father/daughter dances at weddings) but I live my life. I believe and making sure each day was worth living. My life motto is hard to live up to come January until about June. For those that don't know... before my dad passed away in May of 2009, he was hospitalized and put on a respirator in January and stayed that way until he passed away. There were some moments where we had no hope because he was so sedated and unaware of anything and there were some moments where we had high hopes because he was awake and trying to communicate. Many people don't know this but the last time I heard my dad's voice was Dec. 30, 2008, and trust me that is one of the hardest things I have experienced. You never realize how hard it is to remember the way a person's voice sounds until it's gone. While he was fighting for his life, I was 4 1/2 hours away student teaching. The feelings of stress, worry, and guilt still stick with me today. This year seems to be easier than last year, and I think it is because of my job. The mornings where I'm drying my tear filled eyes, I'm reminded of how much work and energy I put into getting my own classroom, and how proud my dad would be. Having 22 lively kindergartners also reminds me how lucky I am to be right where I was meant to be. So I will just push through the rough days and remember life is not easy but there is always something to be grateful about.

Yeah, yeah...

I know it has been forever! I've just been too busy but I really want to keep up with this so I'm going to try to do a better job at posting. Something I have been wanting to blog about is the recent sucides because of bullying. It breaks my heart to hear these sad stories but it also brings up memories of how I felt. Granted I was never bullied for being gay but bullying is bullying and it hurts no matter what! I think I should let you all in on my story, because maybe it could help someone you know or maybe even help you. I was always the tallest kid in the class so the teasing started there, then in third grade I blew up like a ballon and never seemed to shake the weight off so the teasing continued, I was a size C cup by the time I reached middle school and a size D cup throughout high school so the teasing continued. I think you can see that the bullying I endured was because of my physical attributes. However, I never really cared that I was the tallest girl in the class or that was chunkier than everyone else, but the big boobs seemed to get me. I think it was because that was what everyone talked about in middle school. I was so self concious over them that I would change my shirt in the bathroom stall during middle school. I honestly loved my life and never wanted to change until the seventh grade. I went to this little gathering on Friday night like all the other middle schoolers and as I was standing there talking to my friend, this girl comes up and says, "Those are the bigest boobs ever. I bet you stuff your bra!" I was mordified! I kept thinking, "Why would I want to put myself in that sort of a situation? Who would choose to have a gigantic chest like mine?" I tried to let it pass but people kept making comments and it kept eating at me. I finally couldn't take it any more. The night I said enough is enough is the night I cut myself for the first time. It was only a couple of cuts on my top thigh and hurt like hell! I knew that was not how I was going to make myself feel better. As I'm sobbing all I could think about was much better I would be if I just ate somechips. It dawned on me, "This is how I can be happy!"And that is what I did. Whenever I was sad, stressed, tired of the teasing, I would eat. After I argued with a boy about my weight in fourth grade, that was the last of the teasing so I really didn't care about the weight. So I indulged on food until my senior year of high school. I then wanted a change. I was finally happy knowing who I was and finally learned that it didn't matter what other people thought! That is when I stopped eating beef and pork. I had read that some celebrities did it and that it helped reduce the risk of heart disease so I figured why not. I haven't eaten beef or pork since then. I was finally starting to become more happy wih myself and my binge eating slowly went away. When I went to college, I ended up becomming good friends with people who went hunting, enjoyed eating meat, and never knew what it felt like to just want to eat to be happy. I let them in and I told them my story because I was happier, I felt better, and I loved myself. Well, they found something to tease about and that was my choice of not eating beef or pork. I thought, "Seriously? Why does it matter?" I didn't think much of it and kept building our friendship. For spring break we went to the beach because one of my friends had a trailer there. As we went to the grocery store to purchase food for our stay, they kept commeting about me and my food choices. When we made lunch the next day, they kept talking about it and would not stop. I went outside and just cried! I even called my mom and asked her if I was really that ridiculous for making that choice. They came out saw me upset. I reminded them about my binge eating and how much better I felt now with the choice I made. I even started losing weight so I didn't want to go back. They apologized and we have been the best of friends since. I still get made fun of and people still make comments about my dcisio, but I'm happy! It made my life better! In the end find what makes you happy. Make time for yourself and never lose your dignity. People still make fun of me, people disagree with choices I make, people don't always understand me; however, I love myself and I'm happy with my life and that is all that matters! Find yourself and let it shine.

Graduate!

I know, it has been some time but my life has been crazy!!First off, I GRADUATED!!!! Here are some pictures of my graduation. Here I am getting my diploma from the president of TLU! Leaving the stage with my diploma! Finding my seat with my diploma! My family and I after the graduation ceremony. Looking at that is picture makes me happy because of course I did it but also having my family support. However, it also makes me sad because this was going to the time my dad was going to get see TLU but that was not possible since he had been in a hospital bed. And it makes me very sad now because he is no longer here. I mean I'm so glad that he is not suffering anymore and is able to be himself because lying in a hospital bed was not him at all but there are days when all I want to do is have lunch with him and give him a big hug. I know he is surrounding me all the time but it is so hard to remember that you can't pick up the phone and call him anymore. Some days are harder than others but everyday gets a little easier. This is the picture we used at the front entry way to the sanctuary. We thought it best captured the way people would remember him. So since I'm graduated, I bet the question is "What are you doing?" Well right now I'm babysitting! I babysit for two different families and I love it! As for teaching next year... it looks like I will be a substitute. Things were messed up with one school district and others are not hiring! But if I substitute then I can hopefully land a job for the next school year. I'm actually going to sub in two school districts to provide more opportunities. Anyways that is about everything that is going on! Hope you all enjoy!

Graduation is near..

I know I haven't updated in ages but my last semster has been crazy! I was doing my student teaching in a kindergarten classroom and it was the best experience of my life. I was choosen to present my presentation that I created about my journey through the education program. My dad had severe kidny failure, a stroke, and now he has lost the use of his stomach muscles. He has been in the hospital for over 15 weeks! Several of those weeks he has been in ICU. My family and I have made the decison that we want him to be comfortable and pain free which means we are ready to let him go and be with the Lord; however, we do not have medical power of attorney and since my dad is conscious, it is his decison as to what he wants to do and he has decided to continue to fight. I'm just hoping he can make it long enough for me to graduate because then I can be home and not have to worry about traveling back and forth. The doctors say he won't make it much longer. It has been tough but as I said earlier, my family and I want him to be comfortable and pain free. So my student teaching came to an end yesterday because Seguin ISD closed schools due being in close range of the reported cases of Swine Flu within the Guadalupe county. It was really sad! I didn't even have a chance to tell my students good-bye! However, I have decided to come back for field day so I can see my students one last time and give them their gifts. My cooperating teacher and I cried when we said good-bye because we had created a strong bond. She was great and I learned a ton from her. She told me that I will be an excellent teacher and that she wants updates. There was a faculty meeting after school too and the principal spoke about how we (another student teacher, a long-term sub, and I) made a difference in the school and how she is going to miss having us around. She then spoke about us individually and she said she was sad to hear that another school district had already snagged me because she really would have liked to see me in the Seguin area! She did tell me that she expects to hear great things and that I will be a wonderful teacher. It was rough saying good-bye and I'm glad that I made a great impression on the school. I will be in Garland ISD, I just don't know where yet. I have interviewed with one school so far and have three other interview planned for after graduation. Speaking of graduation, I can't believe it has been four years since I started! I'm super excited and can't wait to start my career! One of my good friends who I have known forever tells me that she can't believe it either and that she could cry thinking about my determenation and dedication. Well that's my update! I'm sure I'm missing something! :)

8 Things About Me- Stolen from a very cool person!

8 Things About Me

8T.V. Shows I Watch:
1. Top Chef- Really any reality show but that is what is on right now!
2. Family Guy
3. One Tree Hill
4. Ellen
5. Gossip Girl
6. Secret Life of the American Teenager
7. Bad Girls Club
8. The Dish

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Rockfish
2. Chipotle
3. Dos Banderas
4. Wendy's (don't mock me it is my favorite place to eat at!)
5. Olive Garden
6. Chili's
7. Jason's Deli
8. Clear Springs (Sure going to miss it when I leave Seguin!)

8 Things that Happened to Me Today:
1. Got my hair cut
2. Spent $175 at Old Navy
3. Took the Christmas decorations down from outside
4. Able to taste food after two days of not being able to!
5. Made plans to see Kaitlin tomorrow.
6. Got exciting news about Mama Mia! coming to the Dallas Summer Musicals since Tarzan was canceled!!!!!
7. Recieved an e-mail stating that the nurse will meet me on Tuesday Jan. 6 at 12 to give me my allergy shots.
8. Bought Miss Emily a Christmas gift!

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1. Seeing many of my fellow student teachers (the ones I enjoy!) in like 6 days!
2. Student teaching in general
3. Megan going back to TLU even if I won't be going to classes there!
4. Spending time with TLU friends
5. Whatever 2009 has in store for me
6. Visiting my brother in Germany once he gets there!
7. 1-20-2009: Basically seeing what Obama has in store!!
8. Interviewing for a teaching job and my first year of teaching!

8 Things I Wish For:
1. An end to violence and war
2. To become a counselor! I'm needing the encouragement to go to grad school!
3. Meeting a person that loves me for me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me!
4. My own apartment with a puppy!
5. An end to my allergies!
6. All the men and women serving over seas having the ability to be with loved ones once again.
7. Being an inspiration and motivator to many children!
8. My family and friends to be in good health and have many blessings!

End of the Semester News...

So are you wondering what ever happend to my friend? Well she was diagnosed with a couple of things which I rather not reveal but she was also flaged which is the Education's way of kicking people out of the education department but you have to be flaged three times to actually be kicked out. Anyways, she got flags #1 and 2 the first time to be flaged. Basically our supervisor was like you should take next semester to relax and become better prepared or you could just student teach and risk being kicked out of the program; therefore, not being able to become a teacher. I don't know what she decided but I'm hoping she will take next semester off.

Here is something good that has happened lately: TANYA AND I MADE A HUGE COOKIE!!

This was before we baked the cookie!

This was after we baked the cookie and it was amazing!

Tanya and I also decorated our window for Christmas but most of it will stay up through Jan.

Well that is about it! I have one more final but it isn't until tomorrow night and I only need a 45 to keep my B and I have no way to make an A so I'm like whatever! My friend is graduating on Saturday so I'm staying later in order to see her walk the stage! But I'll be home soon but not for too long because I have to come back very early for student teaching stuff but I am pumped!!!